That’s right it’s Gonzo Consulting time.

Where’s my attorney? I want to give you all the background on this thing because despite the market…we can still make this work. It’ll take true grit and believe you me, we are chock full of that.

Now, we’ll need to drop grid computing, add enterprise 2.0. Don’t take any guff from these swine! Social media is played so we’ll need to phase II this thing and get some commercial wheels on it. I’m thinking of a world where we move on from the experiment that is the social media sites and bring that sense of community into the enterprise. Communities, not teams. Causes not projects.

(and wait ’til you start seeing those vultures known as compliance and security come our way, oh the poor bastards)

The thing that concerns me now is the infusion of community-based commerce in big brands. It’s no longer collaborative filtering…we just know what everyone bought because it’s on Facebook. Looking at these opportunities with better eyes then we have been is what is needed to get the engine of our country running again.

It’ll be then, and only then, when we can ride this thing into the heart of the American dream.

(and therefore my head)

So if we had the Ocean’s 1X crew on this economy thing I think we’d really be in better shape. I can see it now. David Holmes does the soundtrak for Morning Joe. Mika flirts with Danny while he talks re-allocation of federal assets to better position consumers and home owners. Joe pounds on the desk while Rusty rolls his eyes.

Wait…perhaps we need the cast of Heroes? I see it. Sylar smokes anyone who didn’t vote for the bill. Lindeman is behind it all and Peter Petrelli flies the newly signed bill to the white house where Mrs. Petrelli forces the president to sign it.

Or…Tony Stark starts selling Iron Man suits to the DoD. We deploy them to Iraq…clean that up (I know the surge is working) in about an hour (just in time for commercial). Then, we appoint Tina Fey head of foreign relations while Jeff Goldblum gives a crushing speech to Wall Street execs (sending calm and serenity through the market). And..wait for it…that’s right…Michael Douglas does a press conference with Mike Bloomberg to reassure NY, the markets and therefore the rest of the world that Greed is still good. I like it.

Get Oliver Stone on the horn and make that happen.

In tech news: Apple why does my phone keep reminding me of txts I received when I get a preview? Why can’t I turn that setting off.

Free Duchovny.

It’s time for the first edition of Yes and No.

Yes: synching contacts and calendars across 2 computers and a phone is possible.

No: it’s not instant, but neither is instant coffee.

Yes: 3G is awesome (when it’s available). Kinda like a good lawyer.

No: It doesn’t make sense that I get coverage while sailing but not while on land.

Yes: Location-based services are cool.

No: I don’t want everyone to know where I am. That’s up to me.

Yes: The market is still a mess

No: This won’t last forever.

Yes: We all wish for Duchovny’s speedy release from maritally-forced rehab.

No: the care package should not contain even Maxim. He’ll relapse.

So, having recently migrated to the 3G iPhone I’m going to join the throngs of people who are fascinated by the lack of 3G coverage in NYC.

Fact: minimal 3G coverage in Central Park.

Fact: Shockingly, while sailing around NY harbor, I had perfect 3G coverage.

Why? Because there’s more towers on the skyscrapers that align the Hudson.

I was twittering with all speed while updating facebook with the fact that I was on the water. However, earlier that day when I was at CP, I couldn’t even upload a photo of Mrs. Mortimer.

Not to mention the guy playing the sad Russian ballads on a creeky violin, it was a frustrating experience.

With the first week of fall down, I have to say, the sunset cruise I did was the best way to cap off the weekend.

I was accepted to GiantSake this weekend. That was cool.

I tried to make whole wheat pasta this weekend…not so cool.

All in all, the first week of fall was a goody despite a 340 point drop on the DOW.

Week #2..and…action!

No Google Chrome beta for the MAC.

This is like finding out Mickey Mantel corked his bat. You’d think with the great relationship Google and Apple have and the face that parts of the Apple WebKit are used in the damn thing would make it easy to produce a beta for MAC users first. But no.

Well in other news I hear the free food at Google might be drying up as well. The gravy train is bone dry and the shame train is pullin in. And I was so looking forward to avoiding the gym to play with Chrome. Now…I will end up going to the gym. Damnit!

I was lucky enough to borrow a friend’s car this weekend. Saved me a boatload because despite the value of Zipcar, nothing is as cheap as free. The car was a Mercedes-Benz S550. Fully loaded with every kind of options. Here’s a few:

1. Sun roof

2. Cruise Control

3. Heated Seats

4. Fold-in mirrors

(and now here is where it gets awesome)

5. When you put the key in, the seat slides right into position for you. No adjustment.

6. A main console just above the music center (yes, the music center) contains temp control, GPS navigation, radio control and phone control all from one multi-purpose wheel in the center arm rest.

Now, none of this is totally blowing me away but it made the trip to New England easier. Here’s the future for ya:

7. Said car will have an automated voice recognition Facebook updater.

8. Same with Twitter

9. The GPS module updates Loopt, my iPhone and a sharable Google Map that only my approved viewers can see.

10. Two words: Dog bowl.

Now, the last one speaks to dog lovers. A nation of which I’m a proud member. However, you see my point. It’s no longer enough to have your hands-free cell phone situation handled out-of-the-box. We now have to integrate with maps, facebook, twitter, linkedin etc.

CRM systems will soon allow voice-xml updates from the car so I can say I’m on the way to the 2pm and the update can have a link to a map showing my progress from the road. No longer will consultants have to enter their time…it’s done for them from the car with a map proving it. That’s right…GPS hook ups to time tracking! Muhahahahaha!

I have seen the future and it’s saving me time, but marking my every move. That’s fine. I don’t stop on roadside motels (especially when I’ve got the dog with me).

Finally – http://beertender.usa.heineken.com/index.php

Things where we get to say “Finally!”

1. http://tinyurl.com/66yore

2. I’m going to get an iPhone tomorrow.

3. My wife and I were both home before 10pm.

4. The dog is being quiet.

5. I’m getting to update this blog.

6. Two words: homecooked meal.

7. I can actually get back to reading my book.

8. I can actually get back to writing my book.

9. A random Russian woman is following me on Twitter.

10. I’ll get time to work on that iPhone app this week.

This concludes the first installment of Finally.

(FINALLY!)

yes, it’s true. Summer for me always ends on August 7th. It’s the day after my anniversary w/ my wife and just a few weeks before I come up with great excuses not to visit in-laws for labor day. It’s also when we start thinking about new products, services around back to school and the holiday shopping season. Retailers are going bananas. Banks and trading houses are moving back into the swing of the fall season. We end the “sell in May, walk away” period. So what’s in store for this fall?

Well I’m not alone in hoping to see the valve open in angel investment. Currently I deal with a few startups that are seeing interest, but investors are gun-shy given the market. We’ve got banks coming back to see what the junior traders have done over the summer.

I’m hoping Apple can update MobileMe to the point where it’ll actually work properly. I’m hoping new and better apps come out for my Blackberry 8830 but I just don’t see it catching up with the iPhone. And despite a crap battery life, it’s still awesome.

I’m hoping more business apps around mobile working come out as well. Be it for the iPhone, the Blackberry or some other device.

I always feel like fall is the beginning of the new year, not New Year’s day. That’s just me. But I’m excited to see what comes out. I’m also working on a thing or two so stay tuned.

I went to the NextWeb 2.0 meet up last night at Webster Hall. Now, it’s starts off at a drink fest a bit but I was there to observe and see what it was about. Plus, I’m picky about who I drink with. So I hit the club soda pretty hard.

I have to say this was the best experience I’ve had at a meetup in NY. The rest were shit-shows comparatively. This had some organization to it, relevance and even (spoiler alert) presenters!

I will say this however: the fact that some people at this event were getting funded told me I’ll either be rich beyond estimation or there are angel investors and VCs that are lighting money on fire.

I won’t get into names because I’m not into bashing (at least overtly). But here’s a few things I heard that scared me for investors:

“we’re focused on building critical mass in 08 and we’ll monetize in ‘09″ – I need to find the geniuses who invested in these guys and they can hire me to get the money back.

“there is no business model we’re information only” – this one had major corporate sponsorship. I’m shorting the stock today.

“it’s all about relationships” – this doorknob gave a Tony Robbins-like speech about dating and somehow married the concept to the business world. I doubt he’s getting much going in the way of dating or business.

I did see one site/application/business that actually had value, a good story and…this will blow your mind…revenue. They have an approach to the trend of international money coming into the US to buy real estate. They even had testimonials and stories about use and value. I think these guys will do well. Oh, and here’s the kicker…it’s sweat equity. Which means, they got the business going without funding. Investors…wake up.

One other venture which I will mention by name that was chock full of value and showed vision was FindMeOn. John Vanesco (spelling?) clearly has an approach that speaks to commerce and solves a problem. Two things I don’t see about other ventures that are struggling right now (Twitter comes to mind, although I like Twitter).

I’ll definitely attend this event again. Hell, I may even present one day. But one thing I won’t do is tolerate lack of value or relevance to the market place. We’re in an economy where we need to generate value and cash to boost the strength of the US and some bag-headed allstar is talking about free referrals on his site (you sir, disgust me). And I’m still sticking to club soda next time.